I received letters from London instructing me as to the procedure for the continuance of Government following the death of the late King and the accession of this new chit of a girl.
Pages and pages of it and what it all came down to was "Everyone stay where you are and leave muggins Hindmarsh to tell the troops."
And so on Friday last they all wandered over to the Vice-Regal Palace to hear the High and Mighty Princess Alexandrina Victoria proclaimed Lady Victoria, by the Grace of God Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, Defender of the Faith, Supreme Lady of Her Majesty's Province of South Australia, and its Dependencies.
I must admit, I was unaware that South Australia had dependencies, but if ever we do then they have a new queen.
Poor old Strangways had to read the thing out whilst I looked on with my face expressing Vice-Regal benevolence. The lad made an utter balls up of the thing, getting tongue tied and going quite red in the face and I am afraid that my look of Vice-Regal benevolence might have slipped once or twice into what I hope looked like Vice-Regal pained forebearance, although Mrs Hindmarsh tells me that it was much the same expression as I use when looking at Widow Harvey's lump of a child.
The other night Lucrezia surprised us all by producing (whether through luck or through skill) a steamed pudding of such delicacy that my mouth watered as the bowl hit the table. (The mad widow felt the need to apologize for the thing as "not having my usual flair", but I assured her that we would overlook such a defect) And when I saw that she must have made a trip down North Terrace to Hack's farm so that she could serve us this majestic pudding with clotted cream, well, I could but say "Woman, your sins are forgiven. Go and sin no more."
And then, just as I was about to dip my spoon into the wondrous thing, there was a rustle above us and an enormous centipede fell from the thatched roof and, sure as eggs, landed in my bowl, where it lay wriggling, coating itself in dairy produce.
Mrs Hindmarsh assures me that the look I gave that centipede was exactly the same as the look I gave Strangways as I watched him give his best impression of a beetroot with a stammer.
The assembled colonists seemed to be quite forgiving of the afflicted beetroot, as it gave them more time to try and outdo each other with the solemnity of their expressions. Some seemed to aim at bravely borne grief, whilst others attempted a look of stoic patriotism. Fisher, naturally, tried to outdo all others by attempting what I can only imagine was a look of grief at the passing of the King mixed with fervent loyalty for the new Queen. The result was that he looked rather like the village idiot straining at a difficult stool and I found it best to look away, lest I broke out in a fit of giggling during the solemnities.
The odd man out was, as usual, Osmond Gilles, who seemed to be so upset by the death of our Monarch that he had tried to drown his sorrows in grog. I can only assume that his sorrows were strong swimmers, such were the copious amounts of brandy he seemed to have used to ensure they were overwhelmed.
The odd man out was, as usual, Osmond Gilles, who seemed to be so upset by the death of our Monarch that he had tried to drown his sorrows in grog. I can only assume that his sorrows were strong swimmers, such were the copious amounts of brandy he seemed to have used to ensure they were overwhelmed.
After all had sworn fealty to their new liege and signed an expression of loyalty the mad poisoner appeared with trays of what she assured us were "mixed fancies' to accompany our cups of tea. I gathered they got their name from the number of people who were heard to say "Fancy expecting us to eat that!" To make up for the horror (people were seen to recoil as the Widow offered to "parcel some up for you to take home") I tapped a keg of my excellent beer and all were mollified.
I note with some satisfaction that there is talk about town that land prices are on the increase. Indeed, some have suggested a price increase of some six hundred per cent, which seems most satisfactory, given the extent of my land holdings. I cannot help but think that a few shillings an acre was a wise investment and there will be money for jam when I finally sell up.
I have heard tell of rumours that our chief funster and jester of the South Australian Company, David McLaren has finally relieved Samuel Stephens of all duties, wished him a sailor's farewell and sent him packing.
This was inevitable I suppose. Sammy was the most delightful of men, but as much use as a fart in a hurricane when it came to running a company. And it goes without saying that he was not able to endear himself to the dour and dreary McLaren.
I am reliably informed that Sam had written a new song that started with the lines:
I note with some satisfaction that there is talk about town that land prices are on the increase. Indeed, some have suggested a price increase of some six hundred per cent, which seems most satisfactory, given the extent of my land holdings. I cannot help but think that a few shillings an acre was a wise investment and there will be money for jam when I finally sell up.
I have heard tell of rumours that our chief funster and jester of the South Australian Company, David McLaren has finally relieved Samuel Stephens of all duties, wished him a sailor's farewell and sent him packing.
This was inevitable I suppose. Sammy was the most delightful of men, but as much use as a fart in a hurricane when it came to running a company. And it goes without saying that he was not able to endear himself to the dour and dreary McLaren.
I am reliably informed that Sam had written a new song that started with the lines:
In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows, Lived Adam and Eve, Without any clothes.
In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam's, One covered Eve's.
and went on for another twelve verses describing what happened in Autumn when the leaves fell. It need hardly be said that such ribaldry was not to McLaren's taste and Sammy found himself on a warning. Inevitably he crossed the boundary again, this time with an anecdote about Captain Cook and a Tongan girl with a yam.
The result was Sam's immediate dismissal, ostensibly for lack of diligence.
What the poor duffer will do now I don't now. But I cannot help feel that the South Australia Company, whilst it will undoubtedly be better run in future, will also be a far duller place.
The result was Sam's immediate dismissal, ostensibly for lack of diligence.
What the poor duffer will do now I don't now. But I cannot help feel that the South Australia Company, whilst it will undoubtedly be better run in future, will also be a far duller place.
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